Broken promises

Resolutions are just a ploy by fitness companies and diet companies to make money. Resolutions are just the final straw by someone thinking that if they tell the world or blog it, they'll shame themselves into following through.
Resolutions are for the weak, the lazy and the disorganized public.

I have made the following resolutions:

I will live a healthier lifestyle by only smoking outside of the house and taking Oxycontin on a full stomach.

I will live a healthier lifestyle by watching The Biggest Loser and its re-runs.

I will promise to make more meals in the microwave.

I will not talk on the telephone, yell at the kids and drive at the same time.

This is just an early precursor to Lent...