Oh joy.

I'm at the end of my rope. Not sure what that exactly means. Does that mean I let go of my rope and have no hold on whatever I was holding on to? Because then I probably let go a long time ago and I'm watching my rope run around crazy like a fox.

The positives of 3 year olds. Really fun to take them to the store. They hold my hands really good now and actually sit pretty well for 20 minutes or so. They can express themselves better than they could last year. They can get themselves dressed - to a point. Oh, and they are healthy.

Negatives. Today was one of those days where I could come up with a very long list of negatives. Sometimes I just need to sip some wine and take a step back. Who wouldn't love to be a parent to four children. There are people in the world that yearn to have children and would do anything just to have one. With that said....

John. (I just took a big relaxing breath) He's pushing my buttons. A lot. This no nap thing for all three of them is killing me. The minute I turn to do something, John is at the cat or at the counter or at the refrigerator or at the TV. He's defiant, strong willed, stubborn, defiant, and defiant. Its really hard parenting a defiant child. Because the more you "butt" heads, the worse it gets.

I took a shower today at 4 p.m. and had a cartoon on for them to watch. John went into the refrigerator and started eating strawberries. But he had to bring them into the living room and leave drops of them all over the carpeting. Did I mention I stayed up until 12:30 a.m. steam cleaning the carpeting and the stairs? Yeah. And then the three of them pulled the chairs up to the sink and turned on the water and got really wet and the dishes didn't get any cleaner. (I know that was a grammatical error.)

He wanted to sleep in Jacobs bedroom tonight and so I let him. (Jacob sleeps in Brooke's bedroom on the top bunk). I told him he had to stay in his bed and not get out. I'm downstairs getting the computer and I hear footsteps. I go upstairs to find John face down on his pillow and he's faking sleep but breathing hard. So you know I know what he was doing. Faker.

On the other hand. Matthew is such a ray of sunshine. Today was his fifth day of school and he didn't cry when I left him. He likes to cuddle with his teachers, or sit on their laps at times. He's such a great little boy. I sent him to bed and he was at the window and I told him to get back to bed. He had this look on his face like he was going to cry. So I laid by his mattress and I rubbed his back and cuddled for a bit. I think he needs more reassurance now that hes going to school and away from me and his siblings.