My little man

Matthew refused to take our hands when walking at the campgrounds yesterday. I think this is my new favorite picture of him.

Sometimes its the last person you'd think

Scott went fishing with Jacob today and when they got home I took the kids to Michaels and then to the mall so Scott could get some sleep. I know, I'm very thoughtful.

We get to Michaels and we get out of the van. Brooke is the first to hold my hand, then as I yell for John he comes over and gets my other hand. Jacob is chasing Matthew around the parking lot trying to get his hand.

Luckily the parking lot is pretty empty and no one is trying to back over my children. So I start yelling at Matthew to hold Jacob's hand or my hand. We get into the store without Matthew holding anyone's hand.

Then the two little boys wanted to stand and started fighting over space in the cart. We were the highlight of other's shopping trip. A lot of whispering and stares.

I still take them to the mall. This time I put the steel grip on his hand and Jacob holds Brooke's hand. (It was really cute)

We play in the play area and then we're off to Stride Rite to get the kid's shoe sizes. Matthew refuses to hold hands and actually lays down in the middle of the mall. The other two little ones are running around us. Oh, I'd love to get my hands on that video surveillance. I start to get a little impatient and raise my voice.

The good news is that we made it to the store and back through the mall to our van without: losing a child, getting hit by a car, or social services being called for mommy dragging unwilling toddlers.

Brooke has a size 10 foot. She's 3. When is this going to end. She's going to be 6 feet tall with size women's 10 shoes. Definitely does not take after me. So now we need to buy her some new tennis shoes.

Do unto others as they would do unto you (or something like that)

One of my pastors puts out daily prayers. This one was just perfect for me.


PRAYER: This can be so hard, Jesus. Not as much with the ones I love or even with strangers, but it's extremely difficult to do for that person who hurts me, who rubs me the wrong way, or who has lost my respect. It's so tempting to turn around and be uncharitable, insulting, and vindictive - treating that person in a way I think he deserves. Forgive me for when I do that. How quickly I forget that I deserved to be treated this way by you. As much as others offend me, what my sins do to you is infinitely worse. Yet you love me! You died for me! No matter what others do to me, help me always to love them doing to them as I would have them do to me. Amen.

I've been dealing with someone who isn't my biggest fan. Rumors are spread, false truths, made-up stories, etc... and its so hard not to fight back and defend myself. Instead I've just been ignoring it hoping it will go away. I'm hoping that my actions of silence speak louder than anothers words.

I've tried to figure out why there is an "I Hate Jean club" and here's what I've come up with.
1) I say whats on my mind and that is unsettling to people
2) I am a pretty organized, driven individual and I think it intimidates people
3) Some people need to raise themselves up by putting others down
4) Some people are so miserable that they want to make others miserable
5) Absence of God in their life...

I can laugh about it now because I know its not true and God knows its not true and I'm trying to be sincere. But its hard. Because its fun to be catty, but its a bad example for my children. Sigh.

A balancing act

Its been a very long, long day. And an even longer week.

John has worn me down. I'm reading James Dobson's The New Strong Willed Child. Its really good. A couple of things that I've gotten out of the book are that if a child has a strong will, just imagine what a strong will he will have for God. A child that has this drive and determination, the possibilities are endless. FDR was considered a strong willed child. Ted Bundy probably was too though. I'll settle for somewhere in the middle though.

The other thing is that I as a parent am not a failure just because I have a strong-willed child. I have a couple of other cookie cutter children that are low maintenance. And God does give me what I can handle.

The other issue with John is that not only is he a strong-willed child, he has sensory issues. He seeks sensory input. He craves bumping, jumping and motions. He runs full force into things and people. He smashes food, he does inappropriate things. But its all based on his neurological needs.

Its a fine balancing act.

If John doesn't want to do something, its stupid, stupid kid, stupid man, dumb and I hate you. He's three. Can you imagine the strings of curse words that he's going to throw down when he's ten? If I ignore him then he has won. If I confront him and have him sit on the stairs, his high chair,his room, he goes ballistic. If I put soap in his mouth or something else less tasty, he spits and spews and I do not even recognize him. These fits can last for long periods of time. How do I take care of the other kids when this is going on. Its not fair to them. But it would be a bigger injustice if I did not address it and nip this problem in the bud. Which according to Dr. Dobson could take years.

I don't have years left. I'd like to settle down, read a little more, relax, maybe make a few meals from scratch, take a shower everyday, sew, do a little surfing on the web...

Wow, this parenting stuff is really hard. I think good birth control would be to show teenagers and young adults videos of three year olds. Or just have them watch them for a day. It makes me think twice about bringing more children into the world.

And then there's me. I've been to the doctor twice this week. Two days in a row. I went to be Tuesday evening with a really sore toe. It was throbbing. Turns out I have a ganglion cyst or something to that effect. Basically, one of the kids stepped on my toe that night and probably ruptured it. I'm supposed to elevate, ice and where sandals (stiff ones). I'm not supposed to bend my toe so the joints don't get more aggravated or something like that. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, I've just spent a ton of time in their offices. As I was there I had the doctor look at the dimple at the bottom of my foot. It turned out to be a corn and he cut it out. And now it feels great. Then he looked at my elbow and I have tennis elbow and its been pretty painful. I think the kids caused this one due to me having to push, pull, carry, drag, resist, or put stress on my type of body.

So I had ice on three different areas of my body, have strengthening exercises for a couple of different areas.

Then today I went in for my knee. The inner part of my knee is very tender and every time I bend it, I have a lot of pain. Bending, sitting, going up stairs, etc... is really stressing it out. The doctor says I have Plica Syndrome which has to do when I was formed in my mothers womb and when the knee formed. I have a ridge in a tendon or disc or something that when it rubs on my kneecap becomes irritated and inflamed. So I got some prescription drugs and more exercises.

Better than going to therapy. The only kind I want right now is mental. I'd like a shot of sanity along with patience.

Questions unanswered

How come I find less and less time to blog, but more time to play scrabble on Facebook? How come I buy Iams Weight Control and Hairball Remedy but my cat is still chubby and vomits hairballs?

How can I get it through a certain 3 year olds head that stupid and poopy are not appropriate words. If I don't say anything, then the others think its o.k. If I correct him and tell him those are bad words, he purposely says them. Like, 30 X's a day. If I send him to his room, he just sits by the door and repeats those words over and over. If I put him in his high chair he just rants and raves and screams and says every bad word that he can think of. So I wash out his mouth with soap. Liquid soap. This has mixed results as he spits it out and usually still says them. So now I threaten him with Red pepper. I put a tiny bit on the tip of his tongue and that usually works. And I give him a drink after a minute or so.

But the kid just does not give in. Matthew, Brooke and Jacob spend half their day telling me what John said.

I don't know if I should try taking something away from him, physically beating the words out of him, trying a nastier tasting soap, getting a muzzle, electric shock therapy, its these things I fantasize about but never really push the line. Because I do really love him and just want to contain his spirit, but not break it.

Actually, I think the shock therapy thing would work.... hmm.... if we put them on dogs, why can't we put them on our children?