Sometimes its the last person you'd think

Scott went fishing with Jacob today and when they got home I took the kids to Michaels and then to the mall so Scott could get some sleep. I know, I'm very thoughtful.

We get to Michaels and we get out of the van. Brooke is the first to hold my hand, then as I yell for John he comes over and gets my other hand. Jacob is chasing Matthew around the parking lot trying to get his hand.

Luckily the parking lot is pretty empty and no one is trying to back over my children. So I start yelling at Matthew to hold Jacob's hand or my hand. We get into the store without Matthew holding anyone's hand.

Then the two little boys wanted to stand and started fighting over space in the cart. We were the highlight of other's shopping trip. A lot of whispering and stares.

I still take them to the mall. This time I put the steel grip on his hand and Jacob holds Brooke's hand. (It was really cute)

We play in the play area and then we're off to Stride Rite to get the kid's shoe sizes. Matthew refuses to hold hands and actually lays down in the middle of the mall. The other two little ones are running around us. Oh, I'd love to get my hands on that video surveillance. I start to get a little impatient and raise my voice.

The good news is that we made it to the store and back through the mall to our van without: losing a child, getting hit by a car, or social services being called for mommy dragging unwilling toddlers.

Brooke has a size 10 foot. She's 3. When is this going to end. She's going to be 6 feet tall with size women's 10 shoes. Definitely does not take after me. So now we need to buy her some new tennis shoes.

A balancing act

Its been a very long, long day. And an even longer week.

John has worn me down. I'm reading James Dobson's The New Strong Willed Child. Its really good. A couple of things that I've gotten out of the book are that if a child has a strong will, just imagine what a strong will he will have for God. A child that has this drive and determination, the possibilities are endless. FDR was considered a strong willed child. Ted Bundy probably was too though. I'll settle for somewhere in the middle though.

The other thing is that I as a parent am not a failure just because I have a strong-willed child. I have a couple of other cookie cutter children that are low maintenance. And God does give me what I can handle.

The other issue with John is that not only is he a strong-willed child, he has sensory issues. He seeks sensory input. He craves bumping, jumping and motions. He runs full force into things and people. He smashes food, he does inappropriate things. But its all based on his neurological needs.

Its a fine balancing act.

If John doesn't want to do something, its stupid, stupid kid, stupid man, dumb and I hate you. He's three. Can you imagine the strings of curse words that he's going to throw down when he's ten? If I ignore him then he has won. If I confront him and have him sit on the stairs, his high chair,his room, he goes ballistic. If I put soap in his mouth or something else less tasty, he spits and spews and I do not even recognize him. These fits can last for long periods of time. How do I take care of the other kids when this is going on. Its not fair to them. But it would be a bigger injustice if I did not address it and nip this problem in the bud. Which according to Dr. Dobson could take years.

I don't have years left. I'd like to settle down, read a little more, relax, maybe make a few meals from scratch, take a shower everyday, sew, do a little surfing on the web...

Wow, this parenting stuff is really hard. I think good birth control would be to show teenagers and young adults videos of three year olds. Or just have them watch them for a day. It makes me think twice about bringing more children into the world.

And then there's me. I've been to the doctor twice this week. Two days in a row. I went to be Tuesday evening with a really sore toe. It was throbbing. Turns out I have a ganglion cyst or something to that effect. Basically, one of the kids stepped on my toe that night and probably ruptured it. I'm supposed to elevate, ice and where sandals (stiff ones). I'm not supposed to bend my toe so the joints don't get more aggravated or something like that. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, I've just spent a ton of time in their offices. As I was there I had the doctor look at the dimple at the bottom of my foot. It turned out to be a corn and he cut it out. And now it feels great. Then he looked at my elbow and I have tennis elbow and its been pretty painful. I think the kids caused this one due to me having to push, pull, carry, drag, resist, or put stress on my type of body.

So I had ice on three different areas of my body, have strengthening exercises for a couple of different areas.

Then today I went in for my knee. The inner part of my knee is very tender and every time I bend it, I have a lot of pain. Bending, sitting, going up stairs, etc... is really stressing it out. The doctor says I have Plica Syndrome which has to do when I was formed in my mothers womb and when the knee formed. I have a ridge in a tendon or disc or something that when it rubs on my kneecap becomes irritated and inflamed. So I got some prescription drugs and more exercises.

Better than going to therapy. The only kind I want right now is mental. I'd like a shot of sanity along with patience.

Questions unanswered

How come I find less and less time to blog, but more time to play scrabble on Facebook? How come I buy Iams Weight Control and Hairball Remedy but my cat is still chubby and vomits hairballs?

How can I get it through a certain 3 year olds head that stupid and poopy are not appropriate words. If I don't say anything, then the others think its o.k. If I correct him and tell him those are bad words, he purposely says them. Like, 30 X's a day. If I send him to his room, he just sits by the door and repeats those words over and over. If I put him in his high chair he just rants and raves and screams and says every bad word that he can think of. So I wash out his mouth with soap. Liquid soap. This has mixed results as he spits it out and usually still says them. So now I threaten him with Red pepper. I put a tiny bit on the tip of his tongue and that usually works. And I give him a drink after a minute or so.

But the kid just does not give in. Matthew, Brooke and Jacob spend half their day telling me what John said.

I don't know if I should try taking something away from him, physically beating the words out of him, trying a nastier tasting soap, getting a muzzle, electric shock therapy, its these things I fantasize about but never really push the line. Because I do really love him and just want to contain his spirit, but not break it.

Actually, I think the shock therapy thing would work.... hmm.... if we put them on dogs, why can't we put them on our children?

Soap box

Alright, one thing I've had enough of lately is people giving me advice that are no way qualified to do so.

Don't kick a person when they are down. If I'm telling you I'm having a bad day or I'm frustrated, I told you so is not the correct response from any friend, relative or acquaintance. Or better yet, they have no children or one child and tell me how much harder it is when they get older "you just wait!".

Being a mother of four children is one thing, being a mother of 3 year old triplets is a whole different ballgame.

If you can't say anything nice (or positive) don't say anything at all.

Faux Paus

Did you ever just have an embarrassing moment and really wish that you could rewind time? Luckily I can laugh at myself most of the time because well, I think God has a pretty good sense of humor and is looking down at me laughing too.

Some of my more memorable moments.

• When I walked into a pole at work after just coming back from Cancun in 1995. Two of my co-workers witnessed it. I was hungover and wasn't watching where I was walking.
• When I showed up for a job interview for the above job late because I had come to work that morning with one black shoe and one navy shoe.
• When I walked out of the bathroom at the old Shakey's with toilet paper coming out of my pants. Scott and our friend Aaron were there to witness that incident.
• Last Sunday when I went to Jacob's t-ball practice with my shirt inside out and didn't notice it until I got into the car AFTER practice.

Yeah, Scott, I know you're saying I told you so. We have this argument that has been going on for oh, 10 or so years. He thinks I should turn my shirts outside in (the right way to wear them) vs inside out. After years of analysis and agreeing to disagree, I've found that I take off my shirts from the bottom and they end up inside out in the wash. And they stay that way when they are in my closet. I usually don't look too much in depth when I pick out a shirt, just one that is complimentary to my pants. So, this is why I wore an inside out shirt and why everyone who was sitting behind me probably wondered what the heck is with THAT woman.

The triplets are driving me NUTS. O.K. truthfully its just Brooke and John, but I think in general its three things. They are 3, they are out of their cribs and they have stopped taking naps.

I am about to tie them down at bedtime. I'm so sick of Brooke getting out of bed and turning the light on or shutting and opening and shutting the door over and over. No amount of angry glares, shushing, yelling or swats stops her. Same thing with John. He bounces on his mattress, is running around the room, wrecks the blinds while looking out the window and makes it really hard for Matthew to fall asleep. And then on occasion, Matthew will join in on the foray and then everyone gets yelled at. Tonight it took 90 minutes for everyone to get settled.

By the time they go to bed, I am ready for peace and quiet. Three has been very challenging so far. Its not like I can put a shock collar on them and hit a button when they don't listen or run out of the yard. Its really wishful thinking and I would probably get social services at my door.

Then tonight as Brooke came out of her bedroom because she was wet, I changed her diaper and went into the bathroom to wash my hands and use the facilities. I look to my left, the wall, and right next to the toilet paper, is this (cringing) big gigantic thing. Its not moving. Its got about 50 legs and this really long body. It was so freaking scary I almost peed in my pants. Good thing I was already in the right area. I squashed it and flushed it down the toilet. And when I squashed it, I could feel the meaty part of the body breaking. Ewww. It was so big that I think it would supplied enough protein for a small child.

Kids are sick. Matthew got sick last monday night with a fever and cold, then Brooke with a cold, and then John with a fever and cold who still has one and then Jacob with a cold. Scott is also got some type of bug. I'm the last one standing.

Oh joy.

I'm at the end of my rope. Not sure what that exactly means. Does that mean I let go of my rope and have no hold on whatever I was holding on to? Because then I probably let go a long time ago and I'm watching my rope run around crazy like a fox.

The positives of 3 year olds. Really fun to take them to the store. They hold my hands really good now and actually sit pretty well for 20 minutes or so. They can express themselves better than they could last year. They can get themselves dressed - to a point. Oh, and they are healthy.

Negatives. Today was one of those days where I could come up with a very long list of negatives. Sometimes I just need to sip some wine and take a step back. Who wouldn't love to be a parent to four children. There are people in the world that yearn to have children and would do anything just to have one. With that said....

John. (I just took a big relaxing breath) He's pushing my buttons. A lot. This no nap thing for all three of them is killing me. The minute I turn to do something, John is at the cat or at the counter or at the refrigerator or at the TV. He's defiant, strong willed, stubborn, defiant, and defiant. Its really hard parenting a defiant child. Because the more you "butt" heads, the worse it gets.

I took a shower today at 4 p.m. and had a cartoon on for them to watch. John went into the refrigerator and started eating strawberries. But he had to bring them into the living room and leave drops of them all over the carpeting. Did I mention I stayed up until 12:30 a.m. steam cleaning the carpeting and the stairs? Yeah. And then the three of them pulled the chairs up to the sink and turned on the water and got really wet and the dishes didn't get any cleaner. (I know that was a grammatical error.)

He wanted to sleep in Jacobs bedroom tonight and so I let him. (Jacob sleeps in Brooke's bedroom on the top bunk). I told him he had to stay in his bed and not get out. I'm downstairs getting the computer and I hear footsteps. I go upstairs to find John face down on his pillow and he's faking sleep but breathing hard. So you know I know what he was doing. Faker.

On the other hand. Matthew is such a ray of sunshine. Today was his fifth day of school and he didn't cry when I left him. He likes to cuddle with his teachers, or sit on their laps at times. He's such a great little boy. I sent him to bed and he was at the window and I told him to get back to bed. He had this look on his face like he was going to cry. So I laid by his mattress and I rubbed his back and cuddled for a bit. I think he needs more reassurance now that hes going to school and away from me and his siblings.

More Birthday pictures of Brooke

Brooke was absolutely precious during the Happy Birthday song and all-too-eager to blow out her candles. (I'll post the other boys tomorrow)

Birthday hangover

I think I've almost recovered from the birthday party this weekend. Its so much work getting the house clean and making food, yet it was so worth it. The kids, especially Jacob, were excited for the party. I need to make a mental note to have the party for lunch next year instead of dinner/supper time because the day gets pretty long when Jacob asks for the 4oth time "how many hours until the party?" And trying to keep the house clean all day with four kids in it - well, its not happening unless you hogtie them.

I bought a preschool table to go in our dining room for the kids to play on. This table did not hold all the presents. I think they should be occupied for at least a few weeks. The theme was Sponge Bob Square pants. Its a nice neutral theme. Although its kind of creepy falling asleep on the couch and then looking up to see Sponge Bob's face over your head.

Brooke has been an absolute monster. I think its due to them not being in their cribs anymore. They can get in and out of their beds and they are staying up later fooling around and even nap time is really challenging. There is lots of running around and giggling. So I may have to change the wording to "quiet time" because I need a break. I need a break from my children. I need quiet, I need to be alone and not be elbowed, jumped on and licked.

Matthew and John still need to be separated during the day because they tend to play and someone likes to rip down wallpaper in their room. Seriously, I will string John up by his feet and leave him like that if he rips more down. I'd like to wipe that mischievous smirk off his face.

It doesn't sound like I'm really liking my job right now. Well, these times are very frustrating keeping the consistency really is wearing. But on a happier note, when I take all three to the store, it has been much easier. I still can't do more than one store without meltdowns, but how many grown men can you take shopping in multiples stores?

I seriously was really close to grabbing a drink today. And smoking. And it didn't help that we got to the YMCA late today. I took all four down to the dressing room and then sent Jacob out to the pool while I got the triplets to the drop-in day care. Went back downstairs and he wasn't in the pool with the rest of his class.

First thought is that there is only one way out of the YMCA and the people working by the door know Jacob. So I knew he was still in the building somewhere. So I went back into the family locker room and most of the private rooms were being used. So I started calling his name. When I realized that the only other place he was familiar with was Adventure Alley I started heading there only to hear me being paged over the loudspeaker. He was in adventure alley with three directors looking after him. He did really well, he told the lady working he was looking for me, he knew my name and when the director of swimming said she'd take him to swimming lessons, he said that he would stay right there until I got there.

This is going to turn me more grey than I already am. On Saturday, we had the FVMOM spring rummage sale and there are tons of people around. He was going between my booth and my sister Joan's booth. I went over to talk to him and he wasn't there. He wasn't by my sister Julie and he wasn't by another lady Angela that I know he knows. So I thought he went to the bathroom by himself. He's becoming more independent which has its upside and its downside to certain situations like this. He insisted on going into the boys bathroom earlier that day so I knew he would have gone in there. I heard voices when I cracked the door, but I didn't want to go in and scare some poor boys. Another lady I know said she hadn't seen Jacob out there so I sent another boy in to see who was in the bathroom. It wasn't him. So a thousand things are going through my head. There are strangers around, its busy, the doors are open to the outside. So as tears start to cloud my eyes and I feel my heart beating in my throat, he walks in from being outside. His cheeks were flushed from the cold. He had been outside by the truck blowing bubbles. And the truck was parked aways from the door. I hugged him and told him that he cannot leave the building without telling me. Sigh. He just does not realize the dangers around him.

People keep asking me now that the triplets are 3 if things are easier. Is 3 some magic age where they start to do everything by themselves and listen? Three is worse than two. They start to be able to reason with you and they are really stubborn without any substance behind their reasoning. They have quick tempers and short attention spans.

Now sure, I don't have to feed them every three hours and I'm not up all night with them. But when I put them down when they were infants, they stayed where I put them. I could also place them in swings or bouncy seats and go do something. But then again, I had more help when they were infants. So I guess its a toss up. I think I'll feel like things are easier after they are potty-trained.

And speaking of that, Brooke has regressed to wanting to wear diapers. However, she still only has one or two wet diapers a day and holds it very well. She just is learning "the feeling" of when she has to go and has not figured out how to relax and let it all out.

Yes, that was TMI. But its potty-training and its my life. Believe me, I can't wait to go a day without touching poop.